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From: Timothy Knox Date: 23:47 on 28 Aug 2007 Subject: Restart now, or restart in two minutes? I hate Microsoft Windows with a passion, but that in and of itself is too easy to be worthy of mention here. Fish. Barrel. Dynamite. Boom! However, the Windows box I am forced to use at work (for testing certain kinds of streaming media, players for which do not exist on Linux) recently prompted a much more detailed and specific hate. First, the annoying "Updates are available for your computer. Click here to install them" bubble would appear, repeatedly, every so often. Finally, being sufficiently annoyed with the bubble, I clicked there, and installed them. It finished by saying something to the effect of "Windows must now restart your computer for these changes to take effect." The dialog had two buttons: "Restart now" and "Restart later". Well, I was not ready to "restart now" so I clicked "restart later". Apparently, that is not the right name for the button. It should instead be named, "Come back in no more than two minutes, and ask me again, and again, and AGAIN!" AAAARGGGH! I can't stand it any more! Why doesn't it occur to the folks at Microsoft that I just might be, yanno, busy right now, and not really ready to "restart now". How about interpreting "restart later" to mean, sleep for an hour (or more), then try again. Better still, why not let me specify a time when I won't mind if it restarts, like oh, say, 3AM? But no, Microsoft knows better than me how urgent this is, that I need to restart *now* doggone it, *NOW*! "Oh, cut the bleeding heart crap, will ya? We've all got our switches, lights, and knobs to deal with, Striker. I mean, down here there are literally hundreds and thousands of blinking, beeping, and flashing lights, blinking and beeping and flashing - they're *flashing* and they're *beeping*. I can't stand it anymore! They're *blinking* and *beeping* and *flashing*!"
From: Timothy Knox Date: 21:03 on 16 Jan 2007 Subject: CUPS My cup of hatred for CUPS runneth over, but let's focus on just one hate: Due to really bad weather today, I wanted to work from home. No problem, as I have a high speed network connection. I wanted to print some documents from my Linux workstation at the office to my printer at home. No problem, sez I, cuz I have CUPS. Oho, I can hear you experienced folks chortle, you're asking for it now. And I was. I set up the printer: hostname, queue name, usw... Tell CUPS to print a test page. No joy. Walk over to the console of my print server at home. Print a test page to the same print queue. Ka-chunk! Out comes the page. Back to my Linux box at work. Look in the cups error log. It tells me the print failed, and I should try setting the LogLevel to debug for more information. No problem, sez I, cuz CUPS has this amazing web-based UI for configuration and set up (which I had in fact already used to add the printer). Some of you have already guessed what comes next, but for the rest, I'll tell you: There is no way I could find anywhere in the wonderful web-based UI to set the LogLevel to debug. Why not, CUPS? Why not, you chuckle-headed steaming pile of electronic offal, WHY NOT? Is this not a reasonable request, especially when a user is trying to, f'rinstance, ADD A NEW PRINTER? If you are the new face of Unix-based printing, no wonder adoption of Unix on the desktop still ain't happening! CUPS, I hate your electronic guts with a passion unmatched, save for my hatred of all your software brethren!
From: Timothy Knox Date: 01:47 on 15 Dec 2006 Subject: KDE is *not* Windows Okay, everyone, repeat after me: KDE is *not* Windows! KDE is *not* Windows! KDE is *not* Windows! So why does it insist on pretending to try and act like Windows? I can understand having a "Windows-transition/compatibility mode" to help folks moving from Windows, but I am not making such a move. If I wanted bloody Windows, I'd run bloody Windows! So what particular bit of KDE hatefulness inspired this? The bloody "Windows" key. I have large hands, and sometimes fat-finger the control or alt key, and wind up hitting the never-to-be-sufficiently-d*mned "Windows" key, which pops up its big menu and steals the keyboard focus. Windows key, be still! I *never* want you to pull up that menu, *ever*! Under any possible circumstances! Am I being clear enough, you moronic key? Stay out of my way!
From: Timothy Knox Date: 07:44 on 20 Nov 2006 Subject: Hating the Mac OS X installer So Software Updater recently told me it wanted to update X11 and iTunes. No problem, sez I, 'cause neither one needed a restart (I hate that). Go ahead, sez I. And so it begins. After a few minutes, the installer pops up a dialog that says, "You must quit X11.app before updating it. OK?" (or words to that effect). I clicked "OK", expecting the installer to either quit X11 for me, or to stop the install. Nope! It just popped that d*mned dialog box, over and over AND OVER! HATE! Worse yet, when it got to be time to update iTunes, yes, you guessed it. The whole d*mn cycle repeated. HATE! HATE! HATE!
From: Timothy Knox Date: 22:31 on 23 Oct 2006 Subject: Hating up2date Dear up2date, I hate you with a passion unsurpassed by any living being. Why? Because I recently ran you, to update my core system (like you claim to do). When it came time to select packages to update, I (misguided fool that I am), checked the "Select All" checkbox, thinking I'd like to just update everything, rather than trying to pick and choose. Now you want to do dependency analysis, to include everything that is required, which seems fscking stupid to me. After all, I chose everything. By definition, that should need no analysis. Be that as it may, you proceeded to spend enough time on this task that I had time to go to Starbucks, get a job as a barista, and make my own damn latte before you finished. But that's not the root cause of my unalloyed hatred of you. No, the cause for that is when you ultimately decided that I had a failed dependency, on some package. But please, don't tell me which top-level selection (or selections) led to this failed dependency. No, really, I'm keen to guess! I don't want to simply unselect for the nonce the small handful of troublesome packages and get on with it. I love playing package selection roulette. It's half the fun of using you. Grr! Hate hate hate! PS Burn in hell forever, you hateful pig! Yours, hatefully,
From: Timothy Knox Date: 19:34 on 19 Oct 2006 Subject: Reason 3.14159x10^8 to hate firefox Dear firefox, Thanks so very much for blocking popups (mostly). And thank you so very much for adding a little message stripe at the top of the screen letting me know that you did. Good to know you are on the job. I'll even say thanks for offering to let me change options for handling popups from a given website. But, you hateful little pile of &$#^@&, why in the name of all that is wonderful won't you give me the option to say, "No! I never *ever* under any circumstances wish to allow <this particular website> to open a popup." You don't need to warn me about it, just fscking *ignore* the popup. Silently. It's okay. You won't hurt my feelings. Really! JUST DO IT! Yours in hateful annoyance, and annoyed hatefulness,
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